You

helped me

see

new

sides of

me

You

believed

my feelings

were

real

You

helped me

bloom

in...

I can’t believe they know

Now that they broke inside

And they can see the dark ink blots

That stain my mind

What if they freak out?

Or worse, what if they don’t care?

What if this blows up

And gets stains everywhere?

They said the heist was out of love but

My pain is MINE to tell!

I gave them my story

To...

“We need to talk to you”

“We’re worried about you”

“We’ve noticed some things”

“Don’t hurt yourself”

“We love you”

“We’d never get over it”

“We’re scared”

I’m shaking

And as I take it in

I force myself to look mad, numb or sad

But that’s a lie

What I really want to do

Is ...

I have no more feelings

I’m all feelinged out

So there is nothing left

To write about

Does this mean I’m ok now?

Or am I just totally drained?

Why am I still shaking my pen

Like a woman deranged?!

Writing was a lifeboat

In an endless black sea

But now I can’t tell what’s changed

These waters or me...

Healing is a glacier that creeps

And melts

Until it suddenly

breaks

The sky was blue today

And laughter wasn’t forced

Despite last night

Drinking myself to sleep

What’s the difference

Between a glacier and a tundra?

One has a destination

And it looks like I finally processed

That I found mine

Ah! This glacial lake is frigid

...

They say I’m not even trying to get better.

But they have no idea what I’ve been doing in the dark.

I dated the sun in secret,

Yeah, and I thought she loved me too.

Her light and warmth soaked my ghostly skin,

Her yellow brightened up my blue.

She made me feel special.

Like I was the only one she liked.

So I told her all my secrets,

To feel chosen I was psyched.

But then I got too eager,

I fl...

It

feels

good

to

fall

Or maybe it doesn’t

I don’t know

But what I do know is

It’s a relief to not be climbing

To not be reaching

To not be trying to prove that I deserved to be there in the first place

The verdict is in

I don’t

And now I’m free

To do nothing

To be nothing

To amount to nothing

Isn’t that something?

I can finally turn off

Stare at the wall and love it

Because n...

Grey getting grayer,

Running inside to prepare,

Release on hold,

Sitting thick in the air,

Waiting and waiting,

Pulsing with pain,

The tension overflowing,

Yet all is the same,

I’m ready now, for lightning!,

To stop feeling insane!

So why won’t

it ...

TW: self-harm

My wounds are words

That speak the story

Of the things I feel, but can’t say

Reminders of the actions I took

To take back control

To stop feeling this way

The blood is release

It’s exhale

As it flows down my leg

Giving my pain attention

Concreteness

So it no longer has to beg

To others, it’s scary

It was to me at first too

I never understood

How this was something ...

We were hanging out in your dorm room

At 1:30 am on a random Tuesday night

Listening to music with your roommate and his friend

We were debating the appropriateness

Of wearing a corgi t-shirt to a fancy club

You were teaching me guitar

Because I always wanted to learn

And you didn’t make me feel stupid

For wanting to

You had sad eyes

You’d told us on that pre-orientation backpacking tri...